Those first 90 seconds really matter
When I walk through the door at the end of the day, I can totally blow it sometimes. It’s like my evil twin takes over my mouth even while my brain is screaming, Stop her! Stop Bad Tammy before she speaks!
R will ask me about my day, kind and supportive guy that he is. Since I’m a mediator, there’s not a lot I can tell him beyond “good” or “ugh.” But if it was an ugh day (fortunately for both of us, these are rare), it’s like my brain can’t stand not being able to talk about it. So it notices that there’s mud walked into the entryway. Or a puddle of dog drool (our old guy’s part Newf) near the fridge. Or, God forbid, cheese that’s been left on the counter. The world is coming to an end! And my brain tells me to act out on those awful things instead.
I need a stopper. But thanks to my pal Phil Gerbyshak, now I’ve got something even better than that: A plan for just the next 90 seconds. I can keep Bad Tammy at bay for 90 seconds.
In the The 90-Second Relationship Rule Phil describes the approach:
If you’ve been away from someone you care about at least 2 hours, the next 90 seconds have a bigger impact on them than spending hours and hours on them later. Walk in the door and be fully engaged in the moment. Regardless of your day prepare to focus your energy toward the people that matter most…Investing those first 90 seconds says:
- I love you.
- I care about you.
- I value you.
- I need you in my life.
I started focusing on those 90 seconds this week. Whoa! What a difference. Phil, if I had a firstborn, I’d name him or her after you.
© 2009 by Tammy Lenski. All rights reserved. Posted at The Year 20 Reboot.
Tammy
How synchronistic to hear of your new project on the same morning that i read VC Fred Wilson blog about his wedding anniversary and the power of shtick toleration towards making his marriage work… got a pile of comments.. .and he noted in response that he got many more from women than he usually did
What do you want to hear from R when you walk in the door. If he says nothing, or not acknowledge that ‘you’ve arrived’, is that okay? Goodness, I miss my pooch.
Kare, thanks for stopping in! I’ll have to go visit Fred Wilson’s blog to read that post…so what do you make of the synchronicity for you?
TD, I want to hear exactly what he’s saying. It’s not for him to change what he’s doing, it’s for me to change my occasionally poor performance in response.
Wow Tammy, you really took this one and made it even greater. WOW!
You’re so sweet, Phil…thanks for stopping in and I hope all is well with you, my friend.